My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
