If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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