This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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