My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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