they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
