she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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