You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
