It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
