When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
