i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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