Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
