a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
