Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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