I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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