fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
