your parents love me but you hate me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
