Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
