Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
