i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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