his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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