I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
