walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
