Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
