I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
