i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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