My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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