Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
