you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize