I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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