the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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