Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
