I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
