shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
