you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
