In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
