I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
