They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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