I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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