Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
accomplished twins. life is a go
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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