whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
