I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
