My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
