You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
