Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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