I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
