I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
