we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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