when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
