I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
