It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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