Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
