You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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