my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize