I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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