She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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