yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize