Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize