i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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