I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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