Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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