yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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