Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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