the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
