you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
