I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
