is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
