My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
