Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
