just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
