let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
