i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
