can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
