forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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